#7-Sept. 6, 2016

10,000 Gay Marriages

How Many Will Your Church Welcome?

by Dave Jackson

Cook County, Illinois, just issued its 10,000th same-sex marriage license.[1] Of course, it’s the home of “liberal” Chicago, but the county also has about 2,200 evangelical churches.[2] If each of those churches were willing to welcome four or five gay married couples, they all could have a church home. You might think few gay couples would be interested, but in his recent book, Us versus Us, Andrew Marin points out that 86 percent of gay people came from a faith background, mostly Christian, and many would like to return.

Unfortunately, how or whether to welcome gay couples is the hole in the floor that everyone steps around in most evangelical churches and denominations. Many churches have policies for unmarried gay people (i.e., remain celibate), though very few have actual plans for how to support gays in lifelong celibacy. A few churches are still hold-outs on the myth of orientation change, claiming it’s broadly possible, and therefore continue to advocate reparative therapy (i.e., don’t be gay). But the range extends to congregations like my own that want to be “radically welcoming” to gay people but don’t extend the possibility of gay marriage and sometimes place restrictions on gay people’s ministry. For those gays who feel called to or are willing to accept celibacy, this latter approach may be supportive. Others tolerate it because of the other good qualities their church offers. But many gay people simply leave or never enter such a church in the first place. They consider it too painful being a second-class citizen in your own church.

However, gay married couples—especially those with children, like my daughter and her spouse or the gay men with their junior-high son who live just around the corner—constitute a completely different dilemma. Some younger evangelicals have changed their views on gay marriage, but most evangelical denominations still oppose it. After losing the legal battle over gay marriage, they haven’t figured out what to do with the gay families that could walk through their doors.

Should they give them a cool reception, hoping they will leave on their own? Should they deny any encouragement or support—such as counseling—that might sustain the marriage? Should they continue preaching adamantly and loudly that gay marriage is sinful, knowing that in doing so they are undermining the stability of gay families? What about the kids who are implicitly or explicitly told their family is invalid and at least one of their parents has no legitimate authority in their life?

On the other hand, if the church doesn’t continue reiterating their belief that marriage is acceptable only between one man and one woman, will impressionable people begin thinking gay marriage is okay? What then?

These questions constitute the hole in the floor that gay couples and some gay individuals are likely to fall through if the church doesn’t come up with a patch that expresses the love and grace of Jesus. But very few are even talking about these questions.

For those who believe gay marriage is not biblical, there is really only one instance where Jesus gave us an example of how to deal with someone in an “aberrant” marriage arrangement. It’s recorded in John 4:4-42 where Jesus met the woman at the well outside the village of Sychar in Samaria. By way of establishing that he knew all about her, he noted that she had been married to five men but was, at the time, living with a man who was not her husband. Other than that, he seemed to be entirely focused on the “living water” and establishing a saving relationship with her. Once she believed that “I who speak to you am he” (the Messiah), Jesus put no restrictions on her ministry of sharing the Good News with her townspeople, leading to a mini-revival. Furthermore, there is no record that Jesus pressed her to “straighten out” her marital status—marry the man she was with? go back to the last husband? return to her first husband? Jesus appears to have left those issues to the Holy Spirit—who might or might not ever convicted her to change.

If our evangelical silence on the subject were actually a quiet but full welcome to gay married couples without condemnation and shame, that might be commendable, but I seriously doubt we are ready to receive these gay couples with open arms and leave their marital status to the Holy Spirit.
In fact, Christian colleges and universities that have felt forced to address the questions, are crusading for the right to reject gay couples. For instance, Dr. Craig Williford, President of Multnomah University—one of my alma maters—sent out an urgent letter in June concerning California’s bill SB 1146. “The impact this bill will have, severely limits institutions of Christian higher education to live out our convictions in a manner consistent with our religious beliefs,”[3] he wrote. The actual text of the bill “would require an institution that has an exemption from either the Equity in Higher Education Act or Title IX to make specified disclosures to the institution’s current and prospective students, faculty members, and employees, and to the Student Aid Commission, concerning the institution’s basis for having the exemption.”[4] It does not deny the schools their exemption, but it does put pressure on them by making public what many will recognize as discrimination. The fear is that this could be a harbinger for ultimately cutting off public funds to discriminatory private institutions. Of course, Multnomah is in Portland, Oregon, but Williford is concerned for Biola University, a sister institution in California, and the possibility that such a legal precedent could be replicated in Oregon and across the country
.
In practical terms, their position does involve discrimination, whether you think it is justified or not. Are LGBTQ students allowed to date like other students? If married, can they live in married student housing? Would married gay couples even be admitted to the school in the first place? Such machinations are reminiscent of the racial policies some white institutions claimed as their “religious beliefs” in the last century. For instance, fundamentalist Bob Jones University adopted a ban on interracial dating in the 1950s and did not rescind it until 2000.

Most churches do not benefit from public funds . . . except in the form of tax exemptions. But of far greater concern is whether our policies are driving some gay people away from Jesus—something he had no tolerance for. Your county may not have thousands of legally married gay couples, but there are definitely some near you, and Jesus loves them. Many are believers who want to fellowship with fellow Christians and serve the Body of Christ. Others may be seekers. It’s time to ask what we are doing to make them welcome within the doors of our churches.
____________
Dave Jackson is the author of Risking Grace, Loving Our Gay Family and Friends Like Jesus, Castle Rock Creative, 2016. He and his wife, Neta, live in the Chicago area and together are the authors or coauthors of over 120 Christian books.

[1] “Cook Co. celebrates 10,000 same-sex marriage license,” Chicago Sun-Times, Thursday, Sept. 1, 2016, p. 15. http://chicago.suntimes.com/news/co....
[2] Cook County, Illinois, Religious Traditions, 2010, by The Association of Religion Data Archives. Of the 3,354 congregations, 2,176 identified themselves as “Evangelical Protestant” or “Black Protestant.” http://www.thearda.com/rcms2010/r/c....
[3] “Calling All Prayer Warriors,” a letter from Dr. Craig Williford, President of Multnomah University, to all alumni, June 24, 2016.
[4] “SB-1146 Discrimination: postsecondary education (2015-2016),” California Legislative Information, Feb. 18, 2016. https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/....